Can my marriage be saved?

Most marriages in crisis can be saved when both spouses are willing to learn new skills. Research on divorce points to gradual drift and lost connection as the most common cause, more often than a single catastrophic event. Drift is a skills problem, and skills can be taught. 98% of couples who attend our Renovation Marriage weekend report significant progress.

Is it too late to save my marriage?

A marriage is rarely too far gone to save, even after separation or a filed divorce petition. About 75% of couples who attend a Renovation Marriage weekend arrive in some level of crisis, and many have already been told by friends or a therapist that their marriage is finished. Many of those marriages recover.

How do I save my marriage if my spouse won't try?

One spouse can start the work alone. Changing your own reactions, stopping the behaviors that escalate conflict, and getting your own counseling or coaching often shifts the dynamic enough that a reluctant spouse re-engages. A marriage takes two people to rebuild, but it only takes one to change the pattern first.

How long does it take to save a marriage?

Saving a marriage has no fixed timeline, and the pace depends as much on format as on how broken things feel. Weekly counseling gives a couple about 60 minutes a week, spread across months. A marriage intensive compresses 9 sessions into a single weekend, which is why couples in crisis often see movement sooner in a concentrated format.

Are Marriage Retreats Worth It?

Jul 30

Written By Todd Stevens

When you’ve never experienced something, it’s hard to know what to expect. That’s especially true when it comes to attending a marriage retreat. You can read reviews online, know that you need to do something to change the direction of your marriage, but still not be sure if a marriage intensive is the right solution for you. I’m glad you’re taking the time to make an informed decision.

Marriage retreats are worth it when they teach transferable skills, as opposed to a motivational weekend that manufactures good feelings, and the research backs that up. A marriage retreat is a structured weekend where a couple steps away from ordinary life to work on their relationship through guided sessions and exercises. Of the couples who come through the Renovation Marriage weekend, 98% report significant progress by Sunday afternoon. In fact, we have over 150 5-star Google reviews.

Do marriage retreats actually work, or is the change just temporary?

In a meta-analysis published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, Dr. Alan Hawkins and his colleagues reviewed 117 studies of marriage and relationship education and found consistent gains in relationship quality and communication skills.

Higher-dosage programs produced larger effects than low-dosage ones. In other words, more concentrated hours of real work produced more change, which is the entire argument for a weekend format over a one-hour appointment.

A related meta-analysis in the Journal of Family Psychology added an honest wrinkle. Effects hold longest for couples who keep practicing, which makes the weekend the beginning of the change rather than the entire solution.

So the format works. Whether it lasts depends on what happens next, and that’s where some marriage intensives quietly fail people.

Why the effects of some marriage retreats fade

The impact of a marriage retreat fades when the weekend delivers emotion, but no real tools. You hold hands and feel inspired, but then you go home and have the same fight all over again.

Here’s what separates the weekends that fade away from the ones that last.

1. Feelings versus skills. A weekend that teaches you a repeatable process for handling conflict and emotional hurt changes what happens when you get back home.

2. Practice, or the lack of it. If you never use the tool on something real while help is still available in the room, then you go home with lots of notes and ideas, but no ability to implement them.

3. A plan you can point to. Couples who leave the weekend with a concrete plan written down are the ones still doing it six months later.

4. Silence after Sunday. Almost every retreat ends and never contacts you again. That single gap explains most of the fade.

What makes a marriage retreat worth it?

Use this checklist on any marriage retreat you’re considering, ours included. If a program can’t answer these, then keep looking.

1. Does it teach a specific process, with practical steps, or does it just teach theoretical concepts? We teach the SHARE Model, a five-step process for working through a hurt and reaching real resolution. It’s a proven process that allows you to work through conflict, on your own, whenever it surfaces.

2. Do you practice during the weekend, on your own marriage? Rehearsal, especially when the stakes are low, is what turns information into skill.

3. Do you leave with a written plan? You should come out of the weekend with a personalized action plan, not just a warm feeling and a souvenir coffee mug.

4. Is there anything after Sunday? Our couples keep getting bonus sessions and resources after the weekend. Coaching stays available, too. We know that the months right after a retreat is when change is most fragile.

5. Do you have to talk about your feelings with strangers? At our weekend, nobody shares their story in front of anyone else, which is why reluctant spouses tend to relax by the end of the first session. Here’s what a marriage intensive weekend actually looks like, hour by hour.

Erin and I have coached more than 1,000 couples through this material, and the couples who are still doing well two years later all have the same thing in common. They kept using the tools they learned, which kept small problems from becoming big problems.

Is a marriage retreat worth the money?

Our weekend is $500 per couple, including all nine sessions and coaching support, and it can be split into five monthly payments. Most other marriage intensives run several thousand dollars.

Weekly counseling has real value, and for some couples it’s the right call. The price adds up over months, and part of every session goes to catching your counselor up on the week you just had. Our side-by-side comparison of a marriage intensive and weekly counseling walks through the pros and cons of each.

There’s a cost either way. It can cost you a weekend and the workshop registration fee. Or you can continue to pay for years in installments of frustration, loneliness, and a marriage you’re tolerating rather than enjoying.

When is a marriage retreat not worth it?

Marriage retreats are not the right step for every situation. Here’s when to do something else first.

1. There’s abuse in the home. If you’re being physically, sexually, or emotionally abused, safety comes first. You need a licensed professional, rather than a weekend workshop.

2. There’s untreated addiction or serious mental illness. Those need clinical treatment. A retreat can support your recovery, but it can’t be a substitute for it.

3. Neither of you intends to do the exercises. The weekend works when you do the work. If you intend to show up and just be a spectator, then it’s a waste of money.

What if only one of you thinks it’s worth it?

One spouse being skeptical is normal. With most couples who register, one person is fairly sure this is a waste of time. Their attitude usually shifts by the end of the first session, when they realize nobody is going to make them talk in front of strangers and see that the material is actually practical.

If you’re the one who wants to attend, don’t try to win a debate. Ask your spouse for one weekend, with a no-risk guarantee attached, and let the experience do the rest. If your marriage is in deeper trouble than a weekend can handle, our complete guide to saving your marriage maps the whole path.

Counting the cost before you build

Jesus once asked a crowd a common-sense question. Suppose you want to build a tower. Wouldn’t you first sit down and estimate the cost, to see whether you have enough to finish it (Luke 14:28)?

Most of us did that math for the wedding. We priced the venue, the flowers, the photographer, and the cake. But almost nobody sits down and counts what it costs to build the marriage itself.

That bill comes due eventually. It either arrives as a weekend and a registration fee, or it arrives as years of the same argument, and the second one is far more expensive.

Common questions about whether marriage retreats are worth it

Are marriage retreats worth the money?

For most couples, yes. A meta-analysis of marriage and relationship education found real gains in relationship quality and communication, with larger effects from higher-dosage programs. A weekend retreat is typically far less expensive than months of weekly counseling or a private couples intensive.

Do marriage retreats really work, or is the effect temporary?

Marriage retreats work when they teach repeatable skills rather than producing a weekend of good feelings. Research shows effects hold longest for couples who keep practicing what they learned. Ask any program what happens after Sunday, because follow-up support is the single biggest predictor of whether the change sticks.

How long do the effects of a marriage retreat last?

The effects of a marriage retreat last as long as the couple keeps using the tools, which is why the format of the weekend matters so much. Programs built around a process that is practiced during the weekend, a written plan, and follow-up support produce the most durable results.

Are marriage retreats only for couples in crisis?

No. Marriage retreats serve couples at every stage, from marriages in serious trouble to good marriages that have drifted into roommate territory. About 75% of couples at a Renovation Marriage weekend are in some level of crisis, which means one in four are there simply to build something stronger.

So, are marriage retreats worth it? A weekend is worth it when it hands you a process you can still use in six months, makes you practice it before you go home, and doesn’t disappear on Sunday afternoon. Ask any program you’re considering those three questions, ours included. Then pick a date and count the cost of building something better instead of the cost of staying stuck.

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Todd Stevens

Todd is president of Renovation Marriage. He has coached more than a thousand couples through the Renovation Marriage workshop, a faith-based weekend marriage retreat with a 98% success rate. His specialty is in helping couples learn to communicate effectively, resolve conflicts, overcome relational trauma such as infidelity, and develop healthy relationships that last a lifetime. He previously served as lead pastor of one of the fastest growing churches in America.

https://www.renovationmarriage.com